Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Kiss Ass


Sprout was being stubborn, her default position, and refusing to brush her teeth.  The Bean was in the bathroom already, his vigorous scrubbing and foam covered mouth giving him the appearance of a rabid animal.  It had been an extraordinarily hot day in the Valley, as they tend to be in August, and reserves of patience were in limited supply. 

Sprout sat on edge of the tub with the grin of a girl who thought she was being cute.  I started with the calm approach but gradually worked my way up to full fledged angry.  She was deliberately stalling and being cocky about it, a move that pushes nearly all of my buttons.  Yelling soon gave way to a threat—the loss of one of her prized toys.  That snapped her into action and soon she too had a mouth full of foam.

Meanwhile the Bean finished up his brushing, smiling the smile of a boy who was glad not to be in Dad’s line of fire.  On the way out of the bathroom, he stopped to give me a hug.

“I love you, Daddy,” he said, drawing out the “love” in a sugary sweet tone.  “When it’s my birthday, I don’t even need a present because I have you as my dad!”

He stood there, waiting for me to respond, waiting for me to praise him for his compliment.  The sounds of Sprout’s sporadic teeth brushing were all too present amongst the silence.

“Thank you,” I said after a deep breath.  “Any chance you’re telling me this because I’m yelling at your sister?”

“Uh huh,” he said as he practically skipped down the hall into his bedroom.

6 comments:

FilmFather said...

Ah, kids...would it kill them to lie for *our* benefit once in a while?

I'm totally with you on the equation of Stalling + Cocky = Angry Daddy.

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Daddy Geek Boy said...

Well, lying for somebody else's benefit is what you learn do to in college.

James (SeattleDad) said...

That's classic. I'm sure that only lasted until the next time you were mad at him, right? Classic.

Life of Dad said...

Haha! Well, you should follow suit and not give him a BDay gift, b/c all he needs is you as a dad!

Vancetastic said...

What is it with kids and teeth brushing? I really don't understand why it's considered to be an unpleasant experience. But when I try to brush my son's teeth, he insists that he does it, then just sucks the toothpaste off. When I have to intervene, it's like brushing the teeth of a dog or some other animal who doesn't want any part of that kind of thing. Um, it's just soft bristles moving across your teeth. It doesn't hurt.

Andrew Kardon said...

Hah. Great funny post. Pretty much the same scene at my house, except it's usually me being sweet to my wife, while she's screaming at the kids.

Also, love your blog header! I actually own every single thing you show off in there. We're like blog brothers!