Although looking at me from the outside it was hard to notice, last year I sort of fell apart. Professionally it was a chaotic time of transition that consumed me. As a result, I lost some of my focus on other things. And while my life is far from being a Lifetime movie of the week, I haven't liked feeling scattered and remote.
These are normally the kind of thoughts that pop up around the New Year, when resolutions are made. But seeing as we are long past the time when most of these promises have been abandoned, it feels like a safer time to instill some change.
The first step was joining a gym. However, the more crucial step of the plan is to actually go to said gym. This is the part where I usually have a problem. I have no difficulty putting money down to enter a gym, but I can't stand working out. I believe that there is such a thing as a runner’s high for some people, but I have never been one of them. To me, exercise is neither cathartic nor enjoyable. It’s painful, sweaty, hard work and I am, by nature, a lazy man. But seeing that I’m staring down the barrel of 40 and that I have an appetite for bacon and booze, I need the gym. So far, I’ve gone three times in the week and a half since I joined. It’s a good start, but I’m not celebrating yet.
I have lost a bit of my writing mojo, as evidenced by my one post a week schedule here. Like my body, my brain needs exercise too and writing gives me that work out. Unlike the gym, I enjoy writing. I actually thrive on the outlet. But when work got busy, I fell out of the habit of writing regularly. It’s not even writer’s block. I have pages worth of ideas and observations. But lately it’s seemed like effort to get them into post-worthy shape. As much as I care about my readers, the real reason I write this blog is to keep a record of my kids’ lives. So I need to push myself to get over this hill for them.
I need to be a better husband. Though I am not quite sure how to do this. It feels like my and WonderWife's™ role as parents has overtaken our roles as a couple. Things aren't bad between us. But they could be better. I know that if I try, WW™ and I can find ourselves again despite all of the diapers and laundry and floors strewn with toys.
While I think I’m a good dad (and hope that my kids agree), I want to be better. I need to be more patient. I need to be more present. I want to make sure that the time I spend with them is quality. I want to be more creative and more fun with them. I want to give them everything they need, and more.
There. I’ve laid it all out for the world to read. Now it’s up to me to be accountable. Right now I feel energized. This is attainable. It’s just going to require a little work.