It was a perfect Sunday morning at the zoo. I was flying solo with the Bean and Sprout in order to give WonderWife™ time to replenish her sanity. By the kids’ request we found ourselves at the giraffe habitat. (And by kids’ request, I mean a constant refrain of, “Let’s go to the giraffes. I wanna see the giraffes.”) So there we were, happily watching a family of giraffa camelopardalis having lunch. I was just about to tell the kids my favorite fun fact about giraffes (they have blue tongues) when one of them started urinating, as wild life is prone to do on occasion. As this was happening, one of the other giraffes starts bending down toward the stream. The events began unfolding in slow motion as I silently hoped that giraffe wasn’t going to do what it looked like it was going to do.
Sure enough, the giraffe stuck its blue tongue into the urine stream of the other and took a drink. I didn’t point out what was happening to the kids. I didn’t have to. Every person surrounding the enclosure simultaneously said, “eeew” including the Bean and Sprout.
My kids have an amazing ability to focus on a single detail and obsess about it. I had learned about the Bean’s gift for repetition during a previous incident—coincidentally also involving a giraffe. I would soon learn that this peeing giraffe was to be no exception.
Since that day conversations with the kids have been peppered with phrases like “giraffe pish” and “that giraffe drank the pee.” The Bean being more articulate than Sprout will add commentary like, “Did you see that giraffe drink that pee? It was so craaazy!” The peeing giraffe was the first thing the Bean told his teachers about that Monday while Sprout would spend her time rehashing the story of the thirsty giraffe for WW™ and anyone else who would listen.
I’ll admit, it was a memorable moment—funny and gross all at the same time. If I had a video camera running I’m sure it would’ve become a huge hit on You Tube. But the only recording device available to us was my brain and the two little brains of my kids, who have decided to replay the memory over and over and over again.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
This One Goes Out to the Ones I Love
Without going into any specifics, I can say that work has been incredibly busy and incredibly demanding these past few months. My job has kept me in the office longer. It's eaten up more of my weekends. It's made sure that after the work day is done, and after I trudge home across the Valley and scarf down a quick dinner, I've gone to my study and continued to plug away until after WonderWife™ went to sleep. I'm not complaining about it. I very much like my work and I know that at this moment in time, I'm lucky to have a job.
What's so hard about these times, aside from the mental and physical toll of working so much, is how it affects my family. The absence that it creates because I'm not there.
I'll be at the office, watching the clock move closer and closer to 6:30, which is the latest I can leave if I am going to be able to see the Bean before he goes to sleep. I've been missing that deadline a lot these days, and when I do I will call home.
"Am I going to see you, Daddy?" he asks with a hopeful lilt in his voice
"No buddy," I say. "I'm still at the office."
The sound of his disappointment is crushing. "Why?"
This is a really valid and reasonable question, by the way. But one that cannot be answered so that a 4 year-old will understand.
I feel the worst for WonderWife™. When I'm not around to be a parent, there's nobody else but her. And I've been through enough battle of the wills with Sprout to know what a soul-draining experience it can be. I know that WW™ takes up a lot of slack when I'm working so much. The tough part about her job is that when I'm on the clock, she's on the clock. This is always front and center on my mind when my days, weeks and months get crazy.
Not that either of us would change anything. We both have the lives we wanted.
I'm in the home stretch of this busy period now. I know I can make it. And I'm really looking forward to a break in the action. Because I don't like coming home after the kids are asleep. I don't like not being able to curl up on the couch with my wife. Right now I feel a little lonely, a little isolated from the ones that I love.
What's so hard about these times, aside from the mental and physical toll of working so much, is how it affects my family. The absence that it creates because I'm not there.
I'll be at the office, watching the clock move closer and closer to 6:30, which is the latest I can leave if I am going to be able to see the Bean before he goes to sleep. I've been missing that deadline a lot these days, and when I do I will call home.
"Am I going to see you, Daddy?" he asks with a hopeful lilt in his voice
"No buddy," I say. "I'm still at the office."
The sound of his disappointment is crushing. "Why?"
This is a really valid and reasonable question, by the way. But one that cannot be answered so that a 4 year-old will understand.
I feel the worst for WonderWife™. When I'm not around to be a parent, there's nobody else but her. And I've been through enough battle of the wills with Sprout to know what a soul-draining experience it can be. I know that WW™ takes up a lot of slack when I'm working so much. The tough part about her job is that when I'm on the clock, she's on the clock. This is always front and center on my mind when my days, weeks and months get crazy.
Not that either of us would change anything. We both have the lives we wanted.
I'm in the home stretch of this busy period now. I know I can make it. And I'm really looking forward to a break in the action. Because I don't like coming home after the kids are asleep. I don't like not being able to curl up on the couch with my wife. Right now I feel a little lonely, a little isolated from the ones that I love.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Retroactively Busted
One day out of the blue, the Bean started talking about Chester Cheetah—beloved corporate mascot of Cheetos brand cheese-ish flavored crunch snack. Apparently, one of the Bean’s good friends at pre-school eats a bag of Cheetos every day, which at some point prompted a roundtable discussion about said mascot.
Not only did the Bean bring up Chester, but he also gleefully said that he ate a bag of Cheetos one time at the movies. Upon this revelation, WonderWife™ looked at me with an all-too-familiar bemused shock. Since I am the only one who takes him to the movies, there was nowhere else to look for the culprit.
So here’s what happened…
Popcorn is a choking hazard for kids under the age of 5. Since the Bean had a nasty habit of choking on anything with a remotely crunchy texture, as we terrifyingly discovered one afternoon while snacking on potato chips, popcorn was not going to be in his future for quite some time.
However this presented a problem because that damned Curious George had taught the Bean that a person eats popcorn at the movies. But since the Bean did not actually know what popcorn was, I would put some Pirate’s Booty in a paper bag, give it to him as the theater lights were dimming and he’d happily munch away none the wiser.
But one time I didn’t have any Pirate’s Booty, so I covertly brought the boy into the ‘Sev and scored a bag of Cheetos. Well, I thought I was being covert. Cause as the Bean revealed, he knew that he had eaten Cheetos that day instead of popcorn.
I didn’t know if I should be pissed or impressed. I retraced my steps and realized that I had taken him to the movie in question probably a year and a half ago. That’s a way better memory than I’ve ever had. However, this means that the popcorn ruse is up, which will make it all the more difficult to take him to the movies the next time.
Not only did the Bean bring up Chester, but he also gleefully said that he ate a bag of Cheetos one time at the movies. Upon this revelation, WonderWife™ looked at me with an all-too-familiar bemused shock. Since I am the only one who takes him to the movies, there was nowhere else to look for the culprit.
So here’s what happened…
Popcorn is a choking hazard for kids under the age of 5. Since the Bean had a nasty habit of choking on anything with a remotely crunchy texture, as we terrifyingly discovered one afternoon while snacking on potato chips, popcorn was not going to be in his future for quite some time.
However this presented a problem because that damned Curious George had taught the Bean that a person eats popcorn at the movies. But since the Bean did not actually know what popcorn was, I would put some Pirate’s Booty in a paper bag, give it to him as the theater lights were dimming and he’d happily munch away none the wiser.
But one time I didn’t have any Pirate’s Booty, so I covertly brought the boy into the ‘Sev and scored a bag of Cheetos. Well, I thought I was being covert. Cause as the Bean revealed, he knew that he had eaten Cheetos that day instead of popcorn.
I didn’t know if I should be pissed or impressed. I retraced my steps and realized that I had taken him to the movie in question probably a year and a half ago. That’s a way better memory than I’ve ever had. However, this means that the popcorn ruse is up, which will make it all the more difficult to take him to the movies the next time.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
The Battle of the Pfeiffers
Today I'm hanging out with the Culture Brats where I'm engaged in another debate with A Vapid Blonde. Based on the comments from our last battle, Who's the Best Babysitter: Uncle Buck vs. Chris Parker?, I seem to have won that one.
Will I remain undefeated when pitting Michelle Pfeiffer from Grease 2 against Michelle Pfeiffer from The Fabulous Baker Boys?
Check it out.
Will I remain undefeated when pitting Michelle Pfeiffer from Grease 2 against Michelle Pfeiffer from The Fabulous Baker Boys?
Check it out.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Karma's Delicate Kick in the Butt
I'm hanging out over at Venus vs. Mars today where I confess to being less than the perfect gentlemen and how it came back to bite me in the posterior--metaphorically speaking.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Monday, May 10, 2010
What Did They Do to M&M's Now?
“Sweet fancy moses, lookit that,” I said to WonderWife™ when I spotted the display at the other end of the grocery store aisle.
It took her a minute to see it. “Pretzel?” she asked.
“Not just that,” I pointed. “Look.” My finger drew her eye to the word “new.”
By now I’d completely turned my wife from a normal human being into a ravenous beast who craves new products as much as me. She grew excited by this new discovery.
“Let’s buy two!” she said.
So what was this new item, you ask? This:
Pretzel M&M’s are a brilliant idea. One that’s so deceptively simple I’m surprised it’s taken this long to arrive. I’ve spoken many times about the extreme pleasure I take in adding salty to sweet, and pretzel M&M’s turns that into a selling point. Right on the bag it says “crunchy, salty, sweet”.
When the kids were finally asleep, WW™ and I tore into the first bag over a couple of cocktails. (Ah, the simple pleasures of two tired parents on a Saturday night.)
Pretzel M&M’s are exactly what you’d expect them to be—an M&M with a pretzel center. They have a light texture, like biting into a malted milk ball. The promised salty/sweet combination hits the tongue right up front, making for a pretty tasty bite of candy.
Yet for the first time ever WonderWife™ may have been more enthusiastic than I was about a new candy. I guess I’m much easier to please when it comes to candy. I thought the M&M’s were really tasty, but I thought that they skimped out a little bit by making the chocolate layer too thin. She thought they had gotten the combination just right. She also appreciated the fact that because pretzel M&Ms were light on chocolate, that the bag was only 150 calories. (It is not in my nature to pay attention to such things, but if she considers this a big selling point that makes her happy, who am I to argue?
Pretzel M&Ms is the kind of new product that I like best. They actually put some effort into this one and didn’t simply change the kind of chocolate from dark to light, add some mint flavor or sprinkle a little caramel on it*. It’s actually a new product that completely changes the approach to a classic candy. If you like salty/sweet, you’re going to totally dig pretzel M&M's. We did.
*Caramel M&M's! Are you listening Mars Snackfood Corporation? That there’s an idea whose time has come
It took her a minute to see it. “Pretzel?” she asked.
“Not just that,” I pointed. “Look.” My finger drew her eye to the word “new.”
By now I’d completely turned my wife from a normal human being into a ravenous beast who craves new products as much as me. She grew excited by this new discovery.
“Let’s buy two!” she said.
So what was this new item, you ask? This:
Pretzel M&M’s are a brilliant idea. One that’s so deceptively simple I’m surprised it’s taken this long to arrive. I’ve spoken many times about the extreme pleasure I take in adding salty to sweet, and pretzel M&M’s turns that into a selling point. Right on the bag it says “crunchy, salty, sweet”.
When the kids were finally asleep, WW™ and I tore into the first bag over a couple of cocktails. (Ah, the simple pleasures of two tired parents on a Saturday night.)
Pretzel M&M’s are exactly what you’d expect them to be—an M&M with a pretzel center. They have a light texture, like biting into a malted milk ball. The promised salty/sweet combination hits the tongue right up front, making for a pretty tasty bite of candy.
Yet for the first time ever WonderWife™ may have been more enthusiastic than I was about a new candy. I guess I’m much easier to please when it comes to candy. I thought the M&M’s were really tasty, but I thought that they skimped out a little bit by making the chocolate layer too thin. She thought they had gotten the combination just right. She also appreciated the fact that because pretzel M&Ms were light on chocolate, that the bag was only 150 calories. (It is not in my nature to pay attention to such things, but if she considers this a big selling point that makes her happy, who am I to argue?
Pretzel M&Ms is the kind of new product that I like best. They actually put some effort into this one and didn’t simply change the kind of chocolate from dark to light, add some mint flavor or sprinkle a little caramel on it*. It’s actually a new product that completely changes the approach to a classic candy. If you like salty/sweet, you’re going to totally dig pretzel M&M's. We did.
*Caramel M&M's! Are you listening Mars Snackfood Corporation? That there’s an idea whose time has come
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Why I’m Worried About Iron Man 2
The summer movie season officially starts on Friday, which means I will spend a number of evenings sitting in the dark scarfing popcorn in my craw and basking in the warm glowing warming glow of the silver screen.
Iron Man 2 is first out of the gate this year. Hard to believe that around this time two years ago it wasn’t a foregone conclusion that the flick would even be a hit. But it was, which means we get to watch another one. And while I’m excited to see it, it makes me nervous.
The first movie was an underdog in every sense. It had a second tier super hero not well known to most people who have never attended a comic convention. Its director, Jon Favreau had never helmed a movie of this size and scope. Marvel, who bankrolled the flick, was doing it on their own for the first time.
It was fun to root for the underdog. But like the Boston Red Sox after they finally won the world series, Iron Man 2 is the farthest thing from an underdog. (Yes, I did just make a sports reference.) Last time out, Favreau was one bad flick away from movie jail. If he had failed, it could have sent his directing career into a downward spiral from which it might never recover. He doesn’t have to worry quite that much this time around. He's on solid ground after directing one of the most successful comic book movies of all time.
What it seems we the audience have to worry about is super hero sequel double vision. It’s an unfortunate condition that seems to have sprung up over the past few decades where filmmakers take everything that worked in the first movie…and double it.
My concern popped up at the same time as my excitement, when the trailer for Iron Man 2 first popped up. The trailer teaches us that in Iron Man 2 there are two bad guys (Whiplash and Justin Hammer), two babes (Pepper Pots and Black Widow) and two good guys (Iron Man and War Machine). Not to mention a whole lot of other armored suits as well as Nick Fury himself. To me that feels like the movie equivalent of that chubby lady I saw wearing spandex at the mall, a whole lot squeezed into a small space.
If Batman Forever, Spider Man 3, X Men 3, Transformers 2, and countless others have taught us anything its that sometimes there can be too much of a good thing.
I hope that Iron Man 2 doesn’t fall into that oh so tempting cinematic trap. I don’t believe that bigger is better. I don’t need my sequels to be overflowing with characters and story threads. I just want them to be competent and compelling.
So here's hoping that Marvel pulls it out again. And here's hoping, as I always do at the start of one of my favorite times of the year, that everyone has an entertaining summer movie season.
Iron Man 2 is first out of the gate this year. Hard to believe that around this time two years ago it wasn’t a foregone conclusion that the flick would even be a hit. But it was, which means we get to watch another one. And while I’m excited to see it, it makes me nervous.
The first movie was an underdog in every sense. It had a second tier super hero not well known to most people who have never attended a comic convention. Its director, Jon Favreau had never helmed a movie of this size and scope. Marvel, who bankrolled the flick, was doing it on their own for the first time.
It was fun to root for the underdog. But like the Boston Red Sox after they finally won the world series, Iron Man 2 is the farthest thing from an underdog. (Yes, I did just make a sports reference.) Last time out, Favreau was one bad flick away from movie jail. If he had failed, it could have sent his directing career into a downward spiral from which it might never recover. He doesn’t have to worry quite that much this time around. He's on solid ground after directing one of the most successful comic book movies of all time.
What it seems we the audience have to worry about is super hero sequel double vision. It’s an unfortunate condition that seems to have sprung up over the past few decades where filmmakers take everything that worked in the first movie…and double it.
My concern popped up at the same time as my excitement, when the trailer for Iron Man 2 first popped up. The trailer teaches us that in Iron Man 2 there are two bad guys (Whiplash and Justin Hammer), two babes (Pepper Pots and Black Widow) and two good guys (Iron Man and War Machine). Not to mention a whole lot of other armored suits as well as Nick Fury himself. To me that feels like the movie equivalent of that chubby lady I saw wearing spandex at the mall, a whole lot squeezed into a small space.
If Batman Forever, Spider Man 3, X Men 3, Transformers 2, and countless others have taught us anything its that sometimes there can be too much of a good thing.
I hope that Iron Man 2 doesn’t fall into that oh so tempting cinematic trap. I don’t believe that bigger is better. I don’t need my sequels to be overflowing with characters and story threads. I just want them to be competent and compelling.
So here's hoping that Marvel pulls it out again. And here's hoping, as I always do at the start of one of my favorite times of the year, that everyone has an entertaining summer movie season.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
DGB Review
I guess this is the weekend of the Geek Boy* because in addition to Sci Fi Dad's interview with me, Tessa's Dad over at Stay at Home Dad in Lansing just posted this review of this here blog.
SAHD in Lansing is a new(ish) blog, but Chris has really sparked to the dad blog community and in addition to his own blogging, he posts reviews of other dad blogs. You should check him out, not just cause he gave me a glowing review, but because of his writing and his enthusiasm about being a parent.
*My invitation to the party must have gotten lost in the mail.
SAHD in Lansing is a new(ish) blog, but Chris has really sparked to the dad blog community and in addition to his own blogging, he posts reviews of other dad blogs. You should check him out, not just cause he gave me a glowing review, but because of his writing and his enthusiasm about being a parent.
*My invitation to the party must have gotten lost in the mail.
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