Friday, August 13, 2010

It Might Be Wrong, But It's True

To put it simply my daughter, Sprout, is a whirlwind. She can be disarmingly sweet one minute and frustratingly, maddeningly stubborn the next. Her flat out refusal to drink from a bottle as an infant remains the definitive example of her potential for obstinacy. Sprout has a lot of traits that are going to serve her well in life, like fierce independence, but are going to turn me crazier than Jack Torrance after an extended stay at the Overlook before she leaves my nest. I was reminded of this during a recent thirty minute crying jag during dinner when she wanted to eat, but refused to walk five steps over to her chair so she could sit down at the table.

After this particular storm had passed, the kids were in bed and our parental duties for the day were complete, WonderWife™ and I stole a few minutes to cuddle on the couch and talk. This was the first time in seven days that we’d been able to do this.

“She’s trouble,” I declared with the obviousness of a nerd who likes computers and Star Wars.

“She's 2,” said WW™. “We still have 3, then the tween years, then she’s a teenager. There is basically no year that we will have an easy time with that girl.”

“We’re going to have to squash this personality,” I said. “It’s like evil Locke on the island. If she gets out, we’re all in deep trouble.”

WW™ nodded in agreement, a rare understanding of a pop culture reference.

“And,” I continued. “God help us if she turns out to be gorgeous and learns she has power over people, especially boys. Cause we’ll all be doomed.”

WW grinned.

“So I think here’s what we need to do...We’re gonna have to disfigure her," I said.  "Nothing big, just a small scar from her cheek to her ear in order to keep her grounded.”

WonderWife™ chucked, then slugged me in the arm and told me I was awful. But deep down, she knew it was a good idea.


WonderWife said...

Oh, there's a special place for you in Hell, DGB.

SciFi Dad said...

There's always the option to seek private instruction at the top of the Himalayan Mountains with a team of ninjas instead of sending her to "regular" school.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

WW™...Oh come on, it was funny. You laughed. You did. Admit it!

SciFi...But everyone knows how expensive private schools are.

Theresa said...

LOL- My hubs used to say we needed to break NB's nose and let it grow back crooked for the same reasons.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Theresa...So I'm NOT the only one!!!!

Theresa said...


Didactic Pirate said...

Clearly, your girl is already learning the rudimentary basic on how to be a Femme Fatale Evil Genius. My daughter is the same way. Which is why I'm currently tied to a chair, and having to type this with my nose.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Hey I love your new header!!! It's been a while... don't hate me.

Anyway... I laughed so hard when I read that last part! That was awful... and totally brilliant!

Surfer Jay said...

Oh she knows it's what's best for her....she knows.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Pirate...I'm impressed with your nose-typing skills. (Oh and I've sent for help.)

Shelle...Thanks for the compliments on my new look and my evil plot.

Jay...That's what I'm afraid of.

BloggerFather said...

Nono, that's a mistake. With a little scar she won't be just a pretty face--she'll be INTERESTING too! She'll be unstoppable!

James (SeattleDad) said...

She may get to you first. Watch your back.

ZenMom said...

During both of my pregnancies, the ZenHusband kept looking up real estate in rural Alaska, "just in case it's a girl".

Daddy Geek Boy said...

BloggerFather...Shit, a hole in my plan!

James...Not if I hide all of the cutlery.

Zen...I'll have to ask him to hold the plot of land next to him for me. We can hide out and drink beer together.