May I speak bluntly for a moment?
What the fuck is up with you? Lately you have become unwieldy, unpredictable and insolent. Let’s just put it right out there, you’ve been kind of a jerk. You refuse to listen. You talk back. You pick fights with everyone, including your sister and the cats. I thought this was the kind of behavior we’d see in your teenage years, not at 4 1/2.
And that’s another thing, nobody told me this was a tough age. Everyone runs screaming in terror from the terrible twos. That is until we find out that it's a complete myth and the threes are really the age to fear. But nobody said anything about the defiant fours. Your behavior these days makes the threes seem like your infant years. Is this how all four year-olds are like, or have you been lulling me into a false sense of security for the past few years by pretending to be a mellow kid? Am I to believe that this whole docile thing was all just an act? You're a sweet kid a lot of the time, but go you bad quicker than a yellow banana in a hot kitchen.
Listen buddy, I need you to lighten up like right now. You’re making your mom and me look like assholes when we’re in public because we’re forced to constantly use that tone. You know what I’m talking about—that really exasperated and pissed off tone. The one that I promised myself I would use only when really necessary. You know, mommy and daddy don’t sound like that all of the time. Back when we used to not be exhausted, we were actually pleasant people to be around. So I while I know it’s cool to be rebellious, can we try to curb the attitude? At least until you’re old enough to drive when I can lord the car keys over you.