There was a new email waiting for me when I logged on the other day. It was from WonderWife™. After reading it, I glared at her aghast.
“You really want me to post this on my blog?”
“Yes,” she said matter of factly. “People need to know the truth.”
I’ve never been one to limit anyone’s freedom of expression, and if I’ve learned anything in my marriage it’s that censoring my wife isn’t the smartest idea.
“You know that I’m going to need to write a rebuttal,” I told her.
“Fire away, Geek Boy,” she said.
So in what looks like it might become an annual feature, I present to you a guest post from WonderWife™:
It’s been well documented that DGB is a fan of anything labeled ‘new; or ‘limited edition’ or is otherwise labeled in a way to entice him to try the latest trends in junk food.
Today, as I randomly offered him a Tic-Tac, he noted, “I saw them in Pina Colada flavor at the convenience-mart earlier today.”
Um, what? “Why didn’t you get them,” I demanded. “Were they labeled ‘new’?”
When I was told that they were labeled “Summer Edition” I nearly lost my shit. How is that not the same as “new” or the like? What possible explanation could he have for passing them up?
“I just wasn’t interested,” he lamely explained.
Not interested?!?! Those words barely register with me. For him, each trip to the Sev for coffee, each trip to the mega-mart for groceries, each trip to the gas station (with attached bodega) all warrant a trip down the snack aisle in search of new products. And now he just waltzed right by such a treat. How can it be?
This isn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened. A few months ago, I was cutting coupons and the geniuses at Keebler were promoting a new cookie:
“Eh,” he said. “I don’t really need them.”
He has created a monster in me. I find it hard *not* to look for foods emblazoned with ‘New’ or ‘NEW’ or ‘Limited Edition’ on them. I have even enlisted my family to help in my quest of procuring the newest goodies for my husband. And now that he’s brushing them away right and left, I’m left confused and hungry for those goodies out there, labeled ‘new’ and calling my name.
Considering that my wife and I do not have many common interests, I am flattered that she’s developed an obsession with new products along side of me. However, as per usual when it comes to WonderWife™ and me, there are vast differences in how we go about life.
The accusations put forth by my wife here are indeed true. There have been a few new products that I have not bought or tried. Although I do love something new, it has to be something new and interesting to me for me to spend the money and calories on it. There could be a cilantro and mushroom bar with a “new” or a “limited edition” on it, but it doesn’t mean I’m getting it. There are dozens of new products on the shelves all of the time. I’d go broke trying all of them. Some of them just aren’t that unique. Milky Way’s Simply Caramel bar had a “new”. Chocolate and caramel may be new to them, but really it’s nothing blog worthy.
In regards to the cheesecake cookies, WonderWife™ caught me at a time where I was thinking about trying to eat healthier. So while they did look good, they didn’t seem so extraordinary that we should’ve bought them, which would have lead to us devouring the whole bag that night while watching AFV. When she was standing in the aisle with the bag of cookies that she was so desperate to find, she could have mentioned the extend of her quest. She could have ignored what I said and bought them anyway. But she relented and put them back on the shelf and walked away.
In retrospect, I should have bought the Tic Tacs. If not for me, for my wife. She’s good enough to bring me home new products and it would have been a nice gesture to return the favor. And now that they are gone and I can’t find them again, I wish I had bought them cause now I really want to try them.*
So in that case it’s my loss. And hers.
*expect to hear about this from her in the comments