Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Our Life and New Products: He Said, She Said

There was a new email waiting for me when I logged on the other day. It was from WonderWife™. After reading it, I glared at her aghast.

“You really want me to post this on my blog?”

“Yes,” she said matter of factly. “People need to know the truth.”

I’ve never been one to limit anyone’s freedom of expression, and if I’ve learned anything in my marriage it’s that censoring my wife isn’t the smartest idea.

“You know that I’m going to need to write a rebuttal,” I told her.

“Fire away, Geek Boy,” she said.

So in what looks like it might become an annual feature, I present to you a guest post from WonderWife™:

It’s been well documented that DGB is a fan of anything labeled ‘new; or ‘limited edition’ or is otherwise labeled in a way to entice him to try the latest trends in junk food.

Today, as I randomly offered him a Tic-Tac, he noted, “I saw them in Pina Colada flavor at the convenience-mart earlier today.” 

Um, what? “Why didn’t you get them,” I demanded. “Were they labeled ‘new’?” 

When I was told that they were labeled “Summer Edition” I nearly lost my shit. How is that not the same as “new” or the like? What possible explanation could he have for passing them up? 

“I just wasn’t interested,” he lamely explained. 

Not interested?!?! Those words barely register with me. For him, each trip to the Sev for coffee, each trip to the mega-mart for groceries, each trip to the gas station (with attached bodega) all warrant a trip down the snack aisle in search of new products. And now he just waltzed right by such a treat. How can it be?

This isn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened. A few months ago, I was cutting coupons and the geniuses at Keebler were promoting a new cookie:

They’re labeled ‘new.’ They’re cheesecake, which is something that I’ve never known DGB to be opposed to. They even come in dark chocolate. I was sure that I’d stumbled on a winner, so had been looking for them each time I went to the mega-mart to no avail. Each time I was in Target, I took a slow walk down the cookie aisle. No dice. I’d even duck into convenience stores to see if I could find ‘em, but always walked away empty-handed. Then one day, DGB and I were at the mega-mart together and behold – there they were. I scooped them off the shelf and presented them to DGB as though they were an offering. And he promptly dismissed me them. 

“Eh,” he said. “I don’t really need them.” 

He has created a monster in me. I find it hard *not* to look for foods emblazoned with ‘New’ or ‘NEW’ or ‘Limited Edition’ on them. I have even enlisted my family to help in my quest of procuring the newest goodies for my husband. And now that he’s brushing them away right and left, I’m left confused and hungry for those goodies out there, labeled ‘new’ and calling my name.


Considering that my wife and I do not have many common interests, I am flattered that she’s developed an obsession with new products along side of me. However, as per usual when it comes to WonderWife™ and me, there are vast differences in how we go about life.

The accusations put forth by my wife here are indeed true. There have been a few new products that I have not bought or tried. Although I do love something new, it has to be something new and interesting to me for me to spend the money and calories on it. There could be a cilantro and mushroom bar with a “new” or a “limited edition” on it, but it doesn’t mean I’m getting it. There are dozens of new products on the shelves all of the time. I’d go broke trying all of them. Some of them just aren’t that unique. Milky Way’s Simply Caramel bar had a “new”. Chocolate and caramel may be new to them, but really it’s nothing blog worthy. 

In regards to the cheesecake cookies, WonderWife™ caught me at a time where I was thinking about trying to eat healthier. So while they did look good, they didn’t seem so extraordinary that we should’ve bought them, which would have lead to us devouring the whole bag that night while watching AFV.  When she was standing in the aisle with the bag of cookies that she was so desperate to find, she could have mentioned the extend of her quest.  She could have ignored what I said and bought them anyway.  But she relented and put them back on the shelf and walked away. 

In retrospect, I should have bought the Tic Tacs. If not for me, for my wife. She’s good enough to bring me home new products and it would have been a nice gesture to return the favor. And now that they are gone and I can’t find them again, I wish I had bought them cause now I really want to try them.*

So in that case it’s my loss. And hers.

*expect to hear about this from her in the comments


SciFi Dad said...


Never, ever pass up an opportunity to bring something home for the missus. NEVER. EVER.

Do you want to know what has gotten the greatest reaction from my wife in the past six months? Not the Christmas gift, not Valentines Day, not Mother's Day.

No, the greatest reaction came from a day when I called on my way home, noticed that she sounded really tired, and grabbed her a coffee at the drive-thru near our house, and got it with cream and sugar instead of milk like she usually does (to make it "special").

You'd think it was a platinum diamond necklace. Seriously.

Next time you're out, you can NEVER go wrong picking up a treat "just because". NEVER.

James (SeattleDad) said...

I echo Sci Fi. It's Dark Chocolate at our house (usually along with a sixer for me in the other hand though)

Your escalator operator said...

Your passing up those tic tacs and the cheesecake cookies is really shocking. And, I'll admit it: somewhat upsetting.

Once in a while, I'll also tell my wife that "I'm going to try to eat healthier." Last time I said it? 20 minutes later we were at a restaurant and I ordered a huge-ass plate of garlic fries. So, yeah.

Andrea said...

Pina Colada tic tacs? Virgin version or regular? Cause they sound good and it's after five o'clock. Those cheesecake cookies just went on my list as well. Good thing tomorrow is grocery day.

I think it's sweet (in a sick way) that you've now got HER obsessed with finding new things for you.

Spousal devotion. There's something to be said for that.

Your escalator operator said...

I know I already commented, but it's 3 hours later and I'm still concerned about the cheesecake cookies. You're OK, right?

Daddy Geek Boy said...

SciFi...Sure, now you tell me.

James...Where were you when I was waiting on line not buying the Tic Tacs.

YEO...Every once in a while I go crazy and pretend to think that I'm going to be healthy.

Andrea...Yes it's sweet and sick that she's as sick as me.

YEO...I assure you that I'm fine.

WonderWife said...

First of all, let me thank you all for BEING ON MY SIDE OF THIS. I'm totally feeling the love and support. I never intended this to be a full-on debate, but since DGB's rebuttal to my guest post was so flawed, I do feel the need to address a few issues.

To start, let me say that YEO totally nailed it. On both counts. Not only were DGB's actions disappointing, but he's totally full of shit with the whole eating healthy thing. He even writes that he was only "THINKING of TRYING to eat healthy." And I promise you that it never materialized.

Secondly, I never mentioned foodstuffs that DGB wouldn't be interested in like cilantro and mushrooms. These new treats are sweet goodies that are right up DGB's alley.

As for buying me those Pina Colada TicTacs... Phbttt. It serves DGB right for wanting them now and not being able to find them. That said, I couldn't care less about them. I mean, if they're here, I'll try them, but the way to my heart has always been chocolate. And he's only thinking that he should have brought them home for me because I've raised a stink. BTW, honey, if I see them, I'm not picking them up for you.

It should also be mentioned that DBG, in his rebuttal, argued that not every new product, such as the Milky Way Caramel, is blog worthy. I would like to point out that nowhere in my original argument did I mention blogging. These treats were to be eaten simply for their own newness and DGB's personal enjoyment. And FWIW, DGB has eaten and enjoyed said Milky Way Caramel.

That is all. Smooches to DGB and to the lovely readers who TOTALLY ARE ON MY SIDE.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Do you people see what I have to deal with?

ZenMom said...

You passed up on not one, but TWO "new" snacks.

Dude, it's like I don't even KNOW you anymore.

Next thing you'll tell me your cutting bacon out of your diet nad boycotting the Simpsons.(Don't tell me that. I don't think my heart could handle the shock.)

Jules: 1
DGB: 0

Astrogirl426 said...

"Do you see what I have to deal with?"

Oh yes, you've totally won - if "winning" means sleeping on the couch for a week.

You're a WINNER!! :)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Let me just say I love your wife! ha! You married a good one.

How did you pass up those cookies though... I still can't get over that... cheese cake. Need i say more?

Melissa said...

Personally, I don't get what the big deal is about not getting a new kind of tic-tac. I think women whine too much about the small things...

Now if my boyfriend didn't get the latest or greatest techie gadget that was 50% off (yea, in my dream they are 50% off) at the store, then we would have some words.

But tic-tacs and cookies?

First off, I don't try anything food/household related until someone else recommends it and it gets good reviews. Hate wasting food or money just to find out the spaceage glue really doesn't work and the new hot dog flavored milk doesn't taste good after all.

It just saves my household so much money doing this. We stick to our lists and what we usually buy, and we end up not wasting, saving money, and probably NOT getting fat either.

And I wouldn't trust my boyfriend, out shopping alone, to find anything "new" in the first place. He would be the one to come home with the hot dog flavored milk thinking he found Noah's Ark and should be rewarded. Uh, no!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Astrogirl...Good thing we have a pull out couch.

Shelle...You'd love her. And those cookies came during a momentary lapse of judgment when I thought I could try to be healthy. I was high on cough syrup at the time or something.

Melissa...Sounds like it's a good thing that I'm not dating your boyfriend.